I know that this is wrong....

but when I see most pregnant moms post something about their pregnancy I want to post back and say, I don't really give a shit. And I find myself wanting to say something worse to preggos that are complaining about being pregnant. All of the ladies on the TTC thread are excluded from this of course.

Ok, moving on....

I don't know if we are going to continue the femara if it doesn't work this month. For some reason, I have a really good feeling about it. But we'll see. I think today or tomorrow will be my ovulation day. I keep waivering back and forth on what's the right thing to do financially and mentally. I know in my heart what's right, but my head says something different.

I think that I'm going to be ok if I don't get a bfp, though. Given that there were three March mommies with bfp's today and I didn't have ONE TWINGE of jealousy.

Day Two of Femara

And I feel like shit. Nausea, headache, upset stomach and dizziness. I doubt that I am going to make it through the entire cycle.

I am taking this because firstly, I have to at least try it. But more importantly, to humor Derrick. I don't think that it's going to work, but am trying to stay postive. The doctor says, "...but perhaps by developing 2 follicles (one on each side we hope) you would be in a good position to receive a sperm from Derrick. That is to say, cover the bases in terms of the poor sperm issue by maximizing the egg scenario. I wouldn't say the chances are great but, at the same time, they are not at all zero." Yeah...to me that is the doctor also humoring Derrick.

My child is turning into a bag lady

He has to carry everything around with him. Here are a couple of pictures of him last night getting ready to go to bed. He has a taggie, two loveys and a 4 x 4 blanket. He has started carrying these things with him most places. It's gotten to the point where I am starting to hide things so that he can't bring them with us!

I need to go home and start today over

because everything is driving me insane! Especially the person next to me listening to music in another language. Have some courtsey and turn that shit down!

Only 5.5 hours to go.

My Little Man

Daycare sent this picture of Wyatt to me this morning and said what a little man he was starting to look like. I couldn't agree more.

There is a little girl at daycare that is turning 1 today. I can't believe how much more grown up Wyatt looks compared to her.

As I expected...

We're out of the TTC phase of our life, I think. We had our appointment with the urologist yesterday. The first thing out of his mouth was telling us that we needed to try IUI. All along I've been saying that Derrick has a low sperm count. It turns out that his morphology (sp) count is what it low. This count is for the healthyness of the sperm. At his first semen analysis it was 3% and the second one was 5%. Normal is 20%. According to the urologist, the breaking point is 4%, so because the second analysis is over the 4%, another baby is possible, but not likely. Going along with that my fsh (follicle stimuating hormone) level is 10.1. Normal for my age is 4-7. What that means is that my body is producing a low number of healthy eggs. So, it sort of sounds like we both have the same problem, just a male/female version. Derrick had some blood work done to test his testostrone (sp), I believe. The dr will then either say start the femara or don't. I don't think that we are going to go there. I think that Derrick was just as upset as I was. I'm pretty sure that he almost started crying in the doctor's office. He was making some funny faces. We both called in sick to work and spent the day together. It was nice.

On another note, Derrick had to have an "exam", if you know what I mean. You always hear people complaining about our pelvic exams. I think that the men exams are WAY worse. I had to look away because I kept feeling giggles coming on.

A couple of random things

I had the funniest/wierdest dream last night. I was on Bret Michael's Rock of Love and I was on of the top five girls left. (There are only five left on the show currently.) In my dream I was on a solo date with him and was making out with him and everything. I have no idea what would ever make me dream that. I wasn't watching it - I was watching Here on Earth before I fell asleep. So random. And funny....

I was driving behind a guy this morning on a Harley type motorcycle. He had one of those beanie helmets on with a backwards baseball cap under it. I don't know what it is but something about guys on Harley motorcyles, with biker jackets and boots, it just does something to me. It's funny because I've never dated a guy that fits this description before, so it's a completely out of my norm. Maybe it's in my blood. My dad would have fit that description back in the 70s. I have a picture of me & my sister sitting on my dad's lap on his motorcycle - in our living room (!)circa 1977-78. My bff calls my mom "an old school biker bitch." Which really cracks me up, looking at her now, you'd never have guessed.

I've been thinking about my brother's daughter, Neveah, a lot lately. She was still born back in January, had she went to term she'd be 5-6 months now. Really, I'd guess that I've thought about her everyday since her "birth." I don't know, but something about her just breaks my heart. I have a slightly long drive home and I think about the most saddest things during that drive. It is rare when I don't tear up on that drive. I think that I have never gotten rid of my pregnacy hormones. I know that life goes on, but I don't know how my brother and his girlfriend will ever get over losing her. I'm only her aunt and it is still hard on me. Sigh.

Hey two in one day!

My baby is getting to be a big boy. Yesterday I put away Wyatt's high chair and started using his portable booster seat in the kitchen. We are still using the changing table and he has two babyish toys out (the Laugh & Learn home and the Groove & Something Table), but other then that, our house is completely baby items free. A boy lives in our house and not a baby! I was telling Wyatt's dcp provider this morning and I could hear my voice cracking telling her.

We've decided that after Derrick's appointment on the 10th, that we are going to do something drastic. If his results are not promising (and I'm not convinced that they will be) we will be getting rid of ALL of the baby stuff. I'm ready to move on with our lives. I'm (and I'm sure that I mean this) ready to stop TTC and have an onlie. If Derrick's results are normal, do I really want to continue to go through with this frustration? I don't think that I do and frankly things are getting a little tense around the house anyway. I am a nightmare to live with and I can acknowledge it. My re had given me a list of infertility counsolrs in our area for "just in case I needed them." I'm beginning to think that I need to see one, just to get my anger out. And not punch a poor pregnant person.

I'm an idiot...seriously

I have a really hard time with passwords. Think about all of the passwords that you have and then multiply it by 3. That's how many I have. When I decided to start using this thing, my account was old or something, so I had to create a new account. Well, I didn't understand that apparently and now my user name is my email address. So my google email is now jerri_xxxxxxx@yahoo.com@goggle.com. Seriously. It takes me about 3 minutes to log into here everytime I try. Ugh. And I can't figure out how to fix it.

Along the same lines, I did the same thing yesterday when trying to set up a new log in for a new software system here at work. I eventually locked myself out and had to call the help desk and tell them that I'm stupid and can't figure out their stupid system.

The bottom line, I guess, is for me to take some kind of "logging in" class or to just simply take the time and actually read what I need to do instead of acting like a man and not reading instructions! :)

Here it is...

My very first blog post. I've been thinking of setting up one of these for a while. Someone asked me if I had one today and I figured that TODAY was the day to get it started. I didn't feel like working anyway...

I got some sad news a few hours ago. A friend died this morning. She was actually an old co worker, but I would also consider her a friend. I haven't seen her since my wedding in November of 2005, but we exchanged Christmas cards and the occasional email. She is actually the first "close" person to me that has passed away. RIP Vicki.